Memory Blockages and Soul Tree Management

Truth be told people cannot fathom the idea that others may have a different train of thought than the one that drives them. People are always trying to be loved and cherished and somehow, that always seems to be different for everyone. They want to belong, so most of the time they try to be different yet remain within the status quo so they can participate in the gossip, in the travels, in the laughter - people need other people. Or so they think. From every single relationship I've valued more than myself in the past, I learned that I didn't need them. I was around them because they needed me. The minute that ended, was the minute I discovered that I had a problem when I chose people around me - and I stopped choosing them. I chose myself.

I was young and love craved and lonely. I wasn't alone. I was never alone, I shouldn't have had to feel that way, but it's the reason why I trained myself to not need anyone. The people I needed were never there for me, and the ones who were there for me wanted to make fun of me, not laugh with me. They had a blast on every mistake I ever made and every time I was blamed on something that was done to me instead of being my responsibility. Someone younger than 18 - we're talking the 90s, the 2000s,2010s, let's be honest. Those generations still wanted to be grown because it was what their society told them they had to be. We believed in peer pressure, and it only got worse. The less internet there was, the more easily gullible and naive we were. We believed in our peers and our 'friends' and that's a stretch because no friend would've done to you some things I lived through.

'We all have secrets' it's very true, but also very damaging when it comes to children. Children shouldn't keep secrets because they are afraid to be punished by what they lived. Afraid their parents won't believe them, afraid that they won't be protected. That happened all the time.

People who were supposed to protect me, never did. They just told me that it was okay, and it was sincerely something that happened, some even treated me like I was a Babylon whore, and I was nothing of the sort.

I had to learn to speak and write in English so I could tell someone what I was feeling and how I felt because everyone was against me whenever I spoke, and it was a poor move to say it to a psychologist because back then the victim was the one to blame. I was never allowed to trust, because everything I did was 'games' but those weren't games I'd ever let my son play. I'd tell him "please tell me who is playing those games with you, you're not in trouble" - I'd tell him "I love you, you can trust me, use your words and tell me the truth, you will always be believed" - I know it's hard to be a parent, and people need a village, but as single parent I assure you that's not entirely true. You can parent when your child trusts that even if you're wrong you won't put them in more danger and you will protect them and teach them to be strong without the need of all the trauma we're still healing.

Children, of all ages, don't trust their parents because their friends don't trust their parents, which is sheep mentality and whoever taught that was wrong to teach it. When someone teaches someone else to grow in strength, kindness, love, that life has consequences and they can suffer through them, but they won't be alone for it, it changes, it's different; we will choose to teach consequence through believing in them and their ability to be kind and good. We will let go of the past because the hatred there is too great. If you could choose a member of your family not to be a part of it, that tells you very much that member of the family is no longer your family. Someone's family is someone that didn't hurt them, someone you trust, someone you would go through anything for, someone that can trust you and you trust them. Someone that you don't hold secrets for because those secrets will embarrass you or shame you. No, family is someone whose secrets aren't dirty and disgusting. That person stopped being your family the moment they did that to you. The moment you wish they were gone for good, that's the moment you truly are no longer family with those people. You cut the chords, you chop off the tree, you dismember the manipulation of 'blood is thicker than water' - because the whole saying goes as "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" - if your covenant isn't also your blood relatives, they are not important enough for you to continually think they should be. They are not. Let them go. Keep your head held up high and remember "1. they are not your family. 2. They are not someone you owe anything to. 3. You don't love them, need them, or have to be around them. 4. If someone hurt you and you can't forgive them, you can leave them alone and move on and live your life. It's okay to choose your peace. 5. The tallest mountain isn't the hardest to climb, the hardest mountain to climb is the one that takes your breath away and makes you lose hope in getting it done."

As life would have it, everyone has gone through it, and nobody ever remembers anything because the logical mind inside your brain prevents you from remembering things that may kill you. The pain is so bad, that the brain blocks the memory, so you forget. And when you're ready it unlocks it. Be careful.